New Recordings

I managed to have some spare time Sunday afternoon and made a couple of scratch recordings. One of them is the song whose lyrics I posted a few days ago. The other is a song I wrote over the summer and just got around to recording. Anyway, I hope you like them.

Innocent Romance

Hypocrite

Innocent Romance

At the beginning of a whole new story
I just finished my last one
At the start of a whole new chapter
I don't know who I'll become.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a chance
At some simple innocent romance
As sure as the sun rises over the horizon
I'm stuck inside where I can't see
And I wonder if it's meant to be.

I write this song today
'Cause I don't know what will come my way
I sing this song now
'Cause I don't know how
This is all gonna finish

I don't know how this will end
But I know you're at least my friend.

The cloud sits on the ground this morning
As a sign that You are here from up above
If I don't know where I am going
At least I know I have Your love

I write this song today
'Cause I don't know what will come my way
I sing this song now
'Cause I don't know how
This is all gonna finish.

I don't know what to do
But I will rely on You
To get me through.

Peace in a World That Never Stops

The past two weeks have been a wild whirlwind of work and wrestling. The retreat was last weekend, so that was a bit of a break. But everything around it has been mass chaos.

The second hand is always turning
And my heart is always beating,
The work keeps coming
And I am hardly breathing.

This past week, especially, has been a doozy. I've had, it seems, endless homework. It's been crunch time for the musical because our performance is later this next week. I've had to work almost every night this week. This puts me leaving home a little after 7 in the morning, staying after school for musical practice until 5, rushing home to eat and change clothes, then running off to work from 6-9:30 and getting back home around 10 with homework and a head waiting for a pillow with eyes ready to shut.

Inside of this mess I've hardly had a chance to breathe. I think it's unrealistic that anyone should be expected to do this much. School, work, extra-curricular activities, have active relationships with friends, family, and God. I feel so disconnected from my family, friends, and from God. I'm so thirsty. So often I simply want to run away and find escape, but all I can do is turn to God.

Today has been a glorious sabbath for me. It has been a day of rest. A day to focus on God. A day to not worry about other things. Inside of this noise that has been my past two weeks, today God says:

Be silent before Me!
And let people renew their strength.
---
Your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.
---
The poor and the needy seek water,
but there is none;
their tongues are parched with thirst.
I, the LORD, will answer them;
I, the God of Israel, do not forsake them.
---
For just as rain and snow fall from heaven,
and do not return there
without saturating the earth,
and making it germinate and sprout,
and providing seed to sow
and food to eat,
so My word that comes from My mouth
will not return to Me empty,
but it will accomplish what I please,
and will prosper in what I sent it to do.
---
I will open rivers on the barren heights,
and springs in the middle of the plains.
I will turn the desert into a pool of water.
and dry land into springs of water.
I will plant cedars in the desert,
acacias, myrtles, and olive trees,
I will put cypress trees in the desert,
elms and box trees together
so that all may see and know,
consider and understand,
that the hand of the LORD has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it.

So, as I sit here on the edge of this weekend about to take a downward plunge into next week, I pray for strength. I pray for water. I pray for peace. I pray for God's word to rain(reign) down on me and make me clean and saturate me. I pray for His peace to be upon me this week. And I ask most of all that the Holy One of Israel be glorified in all that I do.

Isaiah 41:1, 14b, 17, 55:10-11, 41:18-20

In The Critic's Chair

The critic's chair is and has always been the safest seat in the house because the critic defines himself by what he is not. It's an entirely different way to live when you actually step out and explore, affirm, create, re-create, invent, and reinvent.

-Kyle Lake, [RE]Understanding Prayer

Take A Deep Breath

NOTE: This is an essay I wrote for English. I just thought I'd share it with you all. The prompt is as follows: Choose an issue of importance to you -- the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope -- and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Have you ever noticed when going out to eat that if a group hasn’t been served drinks in the first five minutes or so they will begin to complain? Or how when someone decides that they want to go to a restaurant at six on Friday night they get frustrated at how crowded it is? Some helpless boy is sent from the car, “Go see how long the wait is.” It seems fairly obvious that when people are camped out in a line in the front lawn of the restaurant that it may take a while to be seated. The boy comes back with a shrug and informs everyone that the wait is going to be an hour, so the car pushes onward to another restaurant as if it will find one that isn’t overflowing with people at six on a Friday night.

Stop signs, traffic signals, and other cars are a nightmare for these kinds of people. For a society that wants everything else on the go, we find driving in traffic to be a sort of prepackaged frustration. Like something you could buy in one of those plastic baggies at a grocery store or at a drive-thru. People become so frustrated and angry when they have to stop at a stop sign for five seconds or wait at a traffic signal. It seems as though one minute of waiting would determine life or death. Society wants everything now and on the go. This seems like a fairly detrimental way to live.

I, myself, get caught up in this “on the go” society. Often times, when commuting from one place to another, the rush switch is flipped on and I’m sitting behind the wheel only wishing to pass everyone in front of me and get where I’m going as fast as possible. Then I ask myself, “Why?”, and I have no real answer. For absolutely no reason, I had decided to stress out and rush. One morning last year around Christmas time, I managed to escape. On my way to school I flipped on some good old Charlie Brown Christmas music. I remember that laid back jazz flowing from the keys of the piano with a hint of Christmas spirit. I was so relaxed and happy that I actually drove the thirty five mph speed limit all the way to school. That whole day was a good day.

Other times all the rush has transformed my life into a checklist. I’ve watched it turn relationships into bullets on a power point presentation. Do you ever find yourself saying to someone, “Hello! How are you doing?” and if they answer with anything other than “Good,” then you felt like you were going to be late for something? I’ve been there before. The reason is because we just wanted to check “greeting” off our list and move on. The rushing around turns deep things, like conversation, smiles, and hugs, into surface level items on a to-do list.

I believe in the simple beauties that surround us everyday, things as simple as sunshine, fresh air, and laughter. I believe in the beauty of a smile or a hug. I love finding myself among a group of friends, and it’s more than just lunch or conversation. It’s relationships between people who really know and love each other. In a society that is constantly moving, none of these beauties can be seen. I remember reading a part of Life of Pi by Yann Martel that really resonated with me. Pi said that he hadn't realized how beautiful the ocean was because he had only seen it while rushing along the top on a boat. He said that it was like trying to see all the beauty of a rain forest while driving by at sixty mph in your car. If society can’t even be patient enough to stop at stop signs for a few seconds, it certainly doesn’t have the time to let the simple beauties soak in.

I attempt to find time in this busy society, where everything is always moving, to stop and take a breath. I attempt to live a deep, authentic life in which everything I do is intentional and not just a checklist. I encourage you, the next time you decide to go to a restaurant at six on Friday night, to step back, take a deep breath, and simply enjoy being.

Rain

Jogging, Eating, Water, and Life

I took a nap yesterday.

It was amazing.

I woke up from it feeling so refreshed.

I've been so ridiculously busy since school started. I've hardly had a moment to spare. It's like one of those jogs I take in the morning. I have to keep going. Out of breath? Keep jogging. Tired? Keep jogging. Sore? Keep jogging. Oh well, I've already botched that. I've pretty much botched all those goals I wrote out in my last entry. That's alright though, no one was grading me.

It seems like when we get so busy it's easy to just live. Live a skeletal existence. Getting by on only what is necessary. I just wade through the shallow parts of life, never letting myself into the places where it becomes deeper. With this sort of existence one will never see beauty. Beauty is not a snack. Beauty is a feast. In Life of Pi, Pi hadn't realized how beautiful the ocean was because he had only ever seen it while rushing along the top on a boat. He said that it was like trying to see all the beauty of a rain forest while driving by at 60 mph in your car. Life is the same way. Beauty cannot be feasted upon quickly. Introspection is necessary. Time to slow down and bring myself deeper. But, I've gone with taking little snacks of life, with jogging through life without rest, with just the bottom of my feet touching the water.

For the past week I've felt so dry. My throat has been parched for some kind of drink. It's as if I've been operating on an empty tank. Pushing on, pushing on. I remember earlier years. Much like I wasn't able to drive, I wasn't really driving my life. My mom drove me places. She drove me to school, to piano lessons, to Boy's Choir, to church. She drove me through my homework. She drove me through life. Now I drive. I drive myself to school, home from musical rehearsal, to work, to church, to be with friend's. I drive my life too. It's so tiring. Life is a heavy thing. It's like an upside down box that I'm pushing from the inside without help. That's the mistake I've made.

Life is more than simply eating, drinking, and getting tasks done. Life should be a journey, an adventure. Adventures aren't about getting to the end. Adventures are about taking part in the beauty all around. And life should not be done alone. One will only become weary. Life is a communal thing. We are given each other so that we may do life together and bring one another love and joy.

All of this beauty that I have spoken of is inside of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?1 So, this week, I reach up to God and ask for His living water.2 As I wade deeper into the waters of life, I hope that I can draw nearer to God. I will spend this week searching for God and depending on God. I will wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.3

1. Ecclesiastes 2:25
2. John 2:10
3. Lamentations 3:25-26