In 2007 I...

So it's New Year's Eve and I've made a list of things I did in 2007.

In 2007 I:
Played drums in a praise band leading hundreds of kids in worship to Adonai - Starred as Jesus in Godspell (the first play I ever tried out for) - Learned how to play the ukulele for it - Was cast in a one act called "No Fading Star" as a minor role - Learned about the Jewish roots of Christianity - Played percussion in the Kempner High School Symphonic Band - Saw "To Kill A Mockingbird" at the Alley Theatre with my mom -Was cast in another one act, "Sorry, Wrong Number," as a minor role - Got a job at Family Christian Stores - Became a "passing ship in the night" with my mom - Was initiated as a thespian into Thespian Troupe 4385 - Recorded and released a full length album as Cadenza - "This Is For You LP" - Played my last concert in the regular Kempner High School band program - Took an English AP test - Finished my Junior year of high school - Took the SAT Reasoning Test - Went to Kadesh session I - Took care of my little brother, Luke for 3 days - Watched Luke accept Christ and be baptized - Turned 17 - Went on a Mission Trip to Mexico - Was informally initiated in Troupe 4385 - Had some dentist appointments - Went camping with my dad - Recorded an EP with the praise band - Was accepted to ACU!!! - Started my Senior year of high school - Starred in a musical production of Schoolhouse Rock - Learned how to play the banjo for it - Took my senior pictures - Built a Sumerian Harp with my Dad - Played in the praise band again and even sang with some guitar - Went to the homecoming game without being in band - Skipped the homecoming dance to see David Crowder in concert and become in huge fan of Phil Wickham in one foul swoop! - Hosted the Schoolhouse Rock cast party! - Starred in one act play, "Small World" - Gave blood - Visited ACU - Went to Convention! - Led worship and spoke at church - Was cast in main stage play, "The Dining Room" - Saw my first midnight showing, R-rated movie - Learned how to Snowboard - Snowboarded! - Went to San Antonio with my mom and saw Brendan and Erin get married - Started a lot of books and haven't finished any of them - Made this list of stuff I did in 2007

Through all of this I:
Discovered my passion for theatre - Made a bajillion new good friends - Developed deeper relationships with my friends Greg and Eric - Met the girl of my dreams, fell in love, and made a new best friend - Became Luke's Godfather - Continued struggling in sin - Had a flexuous relationship with God - Met Jessica and asked her out - Am finding myself growing closer to and more comfortable with Jessica everyday - Have had an absolute Blast!

Of course this list is incomplete, but this year has been full and fun! I think this has been my greatest, funnest year yet! And I haven't even gone to college yet!

Writing this list and thinking back leads to thinking forward. As adventurous and exciting as this last year has been I can't imagine it even comparing to my next! Thinking forward leads me to thinking about the end of high school, seeing a lot of people for the last time, saying goodbye to so many things. But, at the same time I'll be saying hello to new things. I approach the end of a road and the beginning of a new one.

Solomon talks about the way that time passes, "The sun rises and the sun sets; panting, it returns to its place where it rises. Gusting to the south, turning to the north, turning, turning, goes the wind and the wind returns in its cycles. All the streams flow to the sea, yet the sea is never full. The streams are flowing to the place, and they flow there again." What a picture of human existence.

I think that around New Year's everyone starts setting resolutions, assigning themselves penance, and trying to fix all their problems. The problem is when we try to fix our own problems the picture that Solomon just described plays itself out. There is a better way.

Jesus Christ, Yeshua Messiah, Son of God, God came. His blood reconciles us to Him. This word means to restore or renew. To change. We don't have to fix ourselves. God has already done it. Paul says to let God transform you by changing the way you think, by renewing your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, perfect will of God. I'm still trying to figure out how this works and how to explain it, but somehow, when I live by the Spirit of God, when I let God breathe through me, I no longer want to sin. I want to please Him. I want to live in a good, pleasing way that is inside of the perfect will of God.

I encourage you guys to step out and try this with me this year. Let's live in the breathe of Adonai. Let's walk down this road, not knowing what comes next, trusting in Him. As I approach the end of a road and the beginning of a new one I trust that God will guide me. I'm not going to assign myself penance, I'm not going to try and fix my problems, but rather let God transform the way I think and renew me. I may not feel any different right now, but if I let God in things will change.

---
Ecclesiastes 1:5-7 CSB
Romans 12:2 NLT, CSB

New Recordings

I managed to have some spare time Sunday afternoon and made a couple of scratch recordings. One of them is the song whose lyrics I posted a few days ago. The other is a song I wrote over the summer and just got around to recording. Anyway, I hope you like them.

Innocent Romance

Hypocrite

Innocent Romance

At the beginning of a whole new story
I just finished my last one
At the start of a whole new chapter
I don't know who I'll become.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a chance
At some simple innocent romance
As sure as the sun rises over the horizon
I'm stuck inside where I can't see
And I wonder if it's meant to be.

I write this song today
'Cause I don't know what will come my way
I sing this song now
'Cause I don't know how
This is all gonna finish

I don't know how this will end
But I know you're at least my friend.

The cloud sits on the ground this morning
As a sign that You are here from up above
If I don't know where I am going
At least I know I have Your love

I write this song today
'Cause I don't know what will come my way
I sing this song now
'Cause I don't know how
This is all gonna finish.

I don't know what to do
But I will rely on You
To get me through.

Peace in a World That Never Stops

The past two weeks have been a wild whirlwind of work and wrestling. The retreat was last weekend, so that was a bit of a break. But everything around it has been mass chaos.

The second hand is always turning
And my heart is always beating,
The work keeps coming
And I am hardly breathing.

This past week, especially, has been a doozy. I've had, it seems, endless homework. It's been crunch time for the musical because our performance is later this next week. I've had to work almost every night this week. This puts me leaving home a little after 7 in the morning, staying after school for musical practice until 5, rushing home to eat and change clothes, then running off to work from 6-9:30 and getting back home around 10 with homework and a head waiting for a pillow with eyes ready to shut.

Inside of this mess I've hardly had a chance to breathe. I think it's unrealistic that anyone should be expected to do this much. School, work, extra-curricular activities, have active relationships with friends, family, and God. I feel so disconnected from my family, friends, and from God. I'm so thirsty. So often I simply want to run away and find escape, but all I can do is turn to God.

Today has been a glorious sabbath for me. It has been a day of rest. A day to focus on God. A day to not worry about other things. Inside of this noise that has been my past two weeks, today God says:

Be silent before Me!
And let people renew their strength.
---
Your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.
---
The poor and the needy seek water,
but there is none;
their tongues are parched with thirst.
I, the LORD, will answer them;
I, the God of Israel, do not forsake them.
---
For just as rain and snow fall from heaven,
and do not return there
without saturating the earth,
and making it germinate and sprout,
and providing seed to sow
and food to eat,
so My word that comes from My mouth
will not return to Me empty,
but it will accomplish what I please,
and will prosper in what I sent it to do.
---
I will open rivers on the barren heights,
and springs in the middle of the plains.
I will turn the desert into a pool of water.
and dry land into springs of water.
I will plant cedars in the desert,
acacias, myrtles, and olive trees,
I will put cypress trees in the desert,
elms and box trees together
so that all may see and know,
consider and understand,
that the hand of the LORD has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it.

So, as I sit here on the edge of this weekend about to take a downward plunge into next week, I pray for strength. I pray for water. I pray for peace. I pray for God's word to rain(reign) down on me and make me clean and saturate me. I pray for His peace to be upon me this week. And I ask most of all that the Holy One of Israel be glorified in all that I do.

Isaiah 41:1, 14b, 17, 55:10-11, 41:18-20

In The Critic's Chair

The critic's chair is and has always been the safest seat in the house because the critic defines himself by what he is not. It's an entirely different way to live when you actually step out and explore, affirm, create, re-create, invent, and reinvent.

-Kyle Lake, [RE]Understanding Prayer

Take A Deep Breath

NOTE: This is an essay I wrote for English. I just thought I'd share it with you all. The prompt is as follows: Choose an issue of importance to you -- the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope -- and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Have you ever noticed when going out to eat that if a group hasn’t been served drinks in the first five minutes or so they will begin to complain? Or how when someone decides that they want to go to a restaurant at six on Friday night they get frustrated at how crowded it is? Some helpless boy is sent from the car, “Go see how long the wait is.” It seems fairly obvious that when people are camped out in a line in the front lawn of the restaurant that it may take a while to be seated. The boy comes back with a shrug and informs everyone that the wait is going to be an hour, so the car pushes onward to another restaurant as if it will find one that isn’t overflowing with people at six on a Friday night.

Stop signs, traffic signals, and other cars are a nightmare for these kinds of people. For a society that wants everything else on the go, we find driving in traffic to be a sort of prepackaged frustration. Like something you could buy in one of those plastic baggies at a grocery store or at a drive-thru. People become so frustrated and angry when they have to stop at a stop sign for five seconds or wait at a traffic signal. It seems as though one minute of waiting would determine life or death. Society wants everything now and on the go. This seems like a fairly detrimental way to live.

I, myself, get caught up in this “on the go” society. Often times, when commuting from one place to another, the rush switch is flipped on and I’m sitting behind the wheel only wishing to pass everyone in front of me and get where I’m going as fast as possible. Then I ask myself, “Why?”, and I have no real answer. For absolutely no reason, I had decided to stress out and rush. One morning last year around Christmas time, I managed to escape. On my way to school I flipped on some good old Charlie Brown Christmas music. I remember that laid back jazz flowing from the keys of the piano with a hint of Christmas spirit. I was so relaxed and happy that I actually drove the thirty five mph speed limit all the way to school. That whole day was a good day.

Other times all the rush has transformed my life into a checklist. I’ve watched it turn relationships into bullets on a power point presentation. Do you ever find yourself saying to someone, “Hello! How are you doing?” and if they answer with anything other than “Good,” then you felt like you were going to be late for something? I’ve been there before. The reason is because we just wanted to check “greeting” off our list and move on. The rushing around turns deep things, like conversation, smiles, and hugs, into surface level items on a to-do list.

I believe in the simple beauties that surround us everyday, things as simple as sunshine, fresh air, and laughter. I believe in the beauty of a smile or a hug. I love finding myself among a group of friends, and it’s more than just lunch or conversation. It’s relationships between people who really know and love each other. In a society that is constantly moving, none of these beauties can be seen. I remember reading a part of Life of Pi by Yann Martel that really resonated with me. Pi said that he hadn't realized how beautiful the ocean was because he had only seen it while rushing along the top on a boat. He said that it was like trying to see all the beauty of a rain forest while driving by at sixty mph in your car. If society can’t even be patient enough to stop at stop signs for a few seconds, it certainly doesn’t have the time to let the simple beauties soak in.

I attempt to find time in this busy society, where everything is always moving, to stop and take a breath. I attempt to live a deep, authentic life in which everything I do is intentional and not just a checklist. I encourage you, the next time you decide to go to a restaurant at six on Friday night, to step back, take a deep breath, and simply enjoy being.

Rain

Jogging, Eating, Water, and Life

I took a nap yesterday.

It was amazing.

I woke up from it feeling so refreshed.

I've been so ridiculously busy since school started. I've hardly had a moment to spare. It's like one of those jogs I take in the morning. I have to keep going. Out of breath? Keep jogging. Tired? Keep jogging. Sore? Keep jogging. Oh well, I've already botched that. I've pretty much botched all those goals I wrote out in my last entry. That's alright though, no one was grading me.

It seems like when we get so busy it's easy to just live. Live a skeletal existence. Getting by on only what is necessary. I just wade through the shallow parts of life, never letting myself into the places where it becomes deeper. With this sort of existence one will never see beauty. Beauty is not a snack. Beauty is a feast. In Life of Pi, Pi hadn't realized how beautiful the ocean was because he had only ever seen it while rushing along the top on a boat. He said that it was like trying to see all the beauty of a rain forest while driving by at 60 mph in your car. Life is the same way. Beauty cannot be feasted upon quickly. Introspection is necessary. Time to slow down and bring myself deeper. But, I've gone with taking little snacks of life, with jogging through life without rest, with just the bottom of my feet touching the water.

For the past week I've felt so dry. My throat has been parched for some kind of drink. It's as if I've been operating on an empty tank. Pushing on, pushing on. I remember earlier years. Much like I wasn't able to drive, I wasn't really driving my life. My mom drove me places. She drove me to school, to piano lessons, to Boy's Choir, to church. She drove me through my homework. She drove me through life. Now I drive. I drive myself to school, home from musical rehearsal, to work, to church, to be with friend's. I drive my life too. It's so tiring. Life is a heavy thing. It's like an upside down box that I'm pushing from the inside without help. That's the mistake I've made.

Life is more than simply eating, drinking, and getting tasks done. Life should be a journey, an adventure. Adventures aren't about getting to the end. Adventures are about taking part in the beauty all around. And life should not be done alone. One will only become weary. Life is a communal thing. We are given each other so that we may do life together and bring one another love and joy.

All of this beauty that I have spoken of is inside of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?1 So, this week, I reach up to God and ask for His living water.2 As I wade deeper into the waters of life, I hope that I can draw nearer to God. I will spend this week searching for God and depending on God. I will wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.3

1. Ecclesiastes 2:25
2. John 2:10
3. Lamentations 3:25-26

The End of Summer (and Goals for the Next Year)

Well, here it is. Summer is officially ending. I keep trying to convince myself that if I don't believe that tomorrow will happen that maybe it won't come, but it seems that there is objective truth. It seems that regardless of what I want or what I believe time will pass and when dawn breaks I will be heading to Kempner High School again.

What I simply can't believe is that I'm a senior. I have no idea what that looks like or means. I remember looking up at the seniors and saying to myself, Those guys have it all together. But here I am and I just don't feel that way. I'm asking myself, Did they have doubts? Did they have weird social situations? and it's crazy to think that maybe they never did have it all down like I thought they did. But here I go, plunging headfirst into senior year. I got a taste of it tonight. I led worship for a thing at church.
Why?
Because Bryan and Steve (the seniors who used to lead worship a lot) weren't there.
Why?
Because they're in college now.
I guess I haven't had a hard time acknowledging that they were being promoted to someone in college or even telling people, "I'm going to be a senior!" But, here I am. And it seems really hard to say, "I am a senior." It seems really hard to promote myself to that level. I don't know. I just can't believe it.
---I've decided to take the rest of this entry to throw out some goals for myself in a public place. You guys can keep tabs on me and check up and make sure that I'm doing these things. In fact, please do.

• Exercise. Not that I'm fat or anything. I just want to get my body in better shape. As a lazy American I find myself having a hard time catching my breath when I run. My way of solving this is to set out a time every morning before school to do cardiovascular exercises such as jogging or jump rope.
• Deeper, closer relationship with God. There a few spiritual disciplines that I will be attempting.
• Scripture. After my exercise time in the morning I plan on coming inside, grabbing a bottle of water, and diving into scripture for awhile. It doesn't have to be a whole lot, but I plan on just reading through various books a chapter a day.
• Prayer. After reading scripture in the mornings I want to spend some time in prayer or journaling some reflections on what I've just read. Who knows what sort of blog entries you'll find yourself reading as a result!
• Sabbath. The challenging part about this is that our culture doesn't revolve around it. In fact, our culture finds it hard to even take a break for an hour, much less 24 of them. Even today (Sunday), I had to work from 12-5! There's no escape from work. But my hope is to take (as often as I can) a day off here and there in order to just relax and focus on God. We'll see how this one goes down.
• Journal and Blog. I find it very important for me to take time to sit and let my thoughts flow. Whether it be in a public or a private way. Not only is this good for introspection, but it will also give me something to look back on in future years so I can remember all the things I went through, good or bad.
• School. In high school I've never been too terribly serious with my studies. This year I have a goal to actually pay attention and not procrastinate! If there is a project I want to begin it straight away. If I have to read a book, I want to read it (this one is already shot because of summer reading). I hope to be more serious about these things this year.
• Free time. When I'm not journaling and blogging I want to spend my free time reading. I waste too much time on this wretched computer. I don't want to do that this year. I own so many wonderful books that I should read. And I plan on doing just that. Reading.

These are simply a few. Maybe I'll even add more later. This is what I can think of for now. I sure hope you all keep me on track. And now comes there scary part: going to sleep so I can wake up tomorrow, jog, read scripture, pray, and go to school. God, be with me!

The Cat's in the Bag

This is what my cat does when she finds plastic bags. I don't really understand it.

I hope she doesn't get hurt someday.

One Year In Advance

I was just running around on the internet tonight when I thought I'd stop by ACU to see what was going on. I checked the "Admissions Status" page only to find:

Your Admissions Status

For Drew Dixon

Congratulations! It's my honor to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to Abilene Christian University. The official beginning of your college career is an important step, but only the first of many....

I just got accepted to a university before even beginning my senior year of high school. At least I don't have to worry about which college anymore. Now it's just getting scholarships. But still...

Freakin' sweet.

Shalom of Adonai

The stars weren't very loud last night, but the wind sang through the trees. The leaves were singing choruses; all saying the same line: "Ssshhhhh..." Like a graceful animal in deep slumber, nature took slow, deep breaths.

I was drawn in. All of creation was lulling me into the shalom of Adonai. There was nothing to worry about. My heart beat and my breath in sync with the rhythm of nature.

A soft buzz in my hand, I answered my phone to hear her sweet voice greet me. I could do nothing but smile and tell her of the clouds floating by above the canopy of singing leaves. I wished so much for her to be there with me. We wouldn't have to talk. We could just listen to the music. We wouldn't interrupt, but sing along; gracing one another with our presence. What would there be to worry about? We would just simply be. Our souls sitting there so intimate, so close. We would be sharing in the shalom of El Shaddai Adonai. But as it is this has not yet come to pass.

All I can do
Is hope and pray
That Adonai would send us
Each other's way.

But for now I sit
And breathe with the wind.
I sing with the trees
And take it all in.

My life is at peace
As I breathe Your shalom.
I know that I'm here
And that I'm heading home.

Back In The Day

This past Friday and Saturday I was at my grandparent's house. Everything about Grandparents just amazed me. It just seems like they're always looking to give their stuff away.

My Grandpa gave me a big bag of stuff. It had books and random little gadgets and more stuff in it. He had it all ready when I got there, like a Christmas present or something. He kept asking me things like, "Would you have any use for this little flash light?" or "Would you like some shades? They're on the table if you want to take a look." My Grandma is always offering me food, asking me if I'd like a snack or desert. I think I probably gain weight every time I visit my grandparents.

Something else that simply amazes me is all of the genealogy and ancestry that my Grandpa has researched. He's managed to trace our family back to 1816! I sit here in 2007, one hundred and ninety years later, looking back and seeing, sort of, how I got here.

It turns out that my Great-Great-Great-Grandpa, John Newton Dickson, fought in the confederate army in the Civil War, my Great-Great-Grandpa, Brince Dickson, had a peg leg, and my Great-Grandpa, Edgar Dixon, fell asleep while driving a horse & buggy one night when he was just 10 years old! When he woke up the horses had stopped right outside of the livery stable! If you fall asleep at the wheel, you end up in the ditch; if you fall asleep on the horse and buggy, they just bring you right on home.

It's all so wild to learn all these things about my family's past. I guess it's just more testimony to how small I am. Life is like a book and I'm merely a page. But it makes me wonder where I fit into the whole scheme of things. I wonder what sort of impact my generation will have on the Dixon family. Back in 1816 we were in Georgia. Then, after the war, John Newton moved to Texas. We've been in Texas ever since. My Dad lived in Nederland and then moved to the Houston area. And that's where we are now. I seem to have something inside of me screaming, "Let's get out of here and go somewhere else!" My brother wants to move to Portland. I want to get out of Houston, and possibly entirely out of the Bible-Belt, but mostly I want my family to stay together, to be near one another, like we are now. I wonder, though, where the Dixon family will be centered when we're done with it?

I wonder after all of this, after my life is done and my descendants are in charge, will I be remembered? I wonder. Will they remember me or will I just be a name on a page? A limb on a tree? I don't know. I just hope I can touch the world while I'm here. I hope I'll be remembered in the lives of the people I know.

Eulogy for Little Siemens

The time has come to say goodbye and retire my phone. Poor little Siemens finally broke into two completely separate pieces. Fortunately, we had a relative of little Siemens to save the day: my Mom's old phone, big Siemens! Surprisingly enough, even though he's older he's in tip-top shape!

I simply just can't wait for our contract with T-Mobile to break so we can switch to Cingular/AT&T as fast as possible. Boy, that'll be the day.

The Horizon or (Thoughts From A Plane Ride)

People are so small. It seems like I write about this every few weeks, but it's so true and it's hard to really let it sink in. I mean, even mountains aren't really very big comparatively. They're simply freckles on the face of the earth.

People are so organized and tidy. We have everything laid out into blocks and roads and intersections. I sit here caught up somewhere between heaven and earth wondering whether any of that organization really matters. I'm floating on the clouds and everything around is so blue! And there's a little line where I suppose the heavens collide with the earth. We'll call that the horizon. But even then, I can barely see the separation. Where does the sky stop and the earth start? I can't even tell.

I wonder, though, if we aren't a lot like this: caught up somewhere between the physical and the spiritual. Sometimes I can't really tell where one stops and the other starts. Maybe they're woven so closely together that they're one.

I just don't know. I guess I'll call it the horizon.

Something About Scripture

I don't understand it. But something about scripture resonates with the soul. It's like warmth. It's like clear, running water. It's like hot tea late at night. It's like hugs. It's like love. It's like pillows. It's like a blanket. It's like holding hands. It's like soft music. It's like resonating strings. It's like a pure voice singing through the air. It's like a dove. It's like a deep conversation late at night. It's like a cup of coffee with a friend. It's You.

In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.