Cleaning Out The Basement

I mentioned that I would be making some new recordings recently. Well, here they are. Just some songs from my room.

That's all for now. I just wanted you to be able to listen to them.

Weeping while watching

Weeping while watching the world wander 'round.
And the world wanders 'round and I wonder why.

"Why," I sigh as I eye the sky.
Why try to fly if we all simply die?

I suppose living is leaving a legacy,
I suppose he who lives holds the heart of humanity.

Though my life may be a life short lived,
I pray it give God glory, inspiring others who live.

Life is not about me and how high I can fly.
So I watch to world weeping and know the glory is God's.

Sonnets Aren't So Hard...

I had almost given up on winter yesterday. I walked outside to find it all warm and humid. It was nasty. I thought winter had, in fact, lasted about a week and then up 'n left. However yesterday was a windy day. The cool was blown back in, so it seems like I will be able to enjoy it for a few more days.

We've been studying sonnets in English. My teacher suggested that a sonnet is the masterpiece of any poet. "If you can write a sonnet, then you are a true poet!" I took this as a challenge. I decided that I wanted to try my hand at writing a sonnet.

Today during English I completely spaced out. We were talking about other types of poetry, but I was, instead, writing a sonnet. I did not find it all that hard. No, it's not perfect. But Shakespeare's are not perfect either! I did not follow the typical theme of a sonnet which is "I am so sad and lonely, life is horrible and gloomy, but when I think of you daffodils bloom." I instead decided to write about a relationship with God.

Light like the Son

Some may say life is completely empty
When living it absent from God above,
But satisfaction and success, I see,
When I look upon lives outside Your love
I see riches and wealth with smiling face.
There's love and joy with relations galore.
'Tis true that joy can be found in this place,
But more can be found elsewhere, I implore!
There are beauties upon this world that sing
Of glories found far beyond here and now.
I look to the sky, see the sun which brings
Light like the Son who has shone and will show.
So life may seem full, singing songs of love,
But the music, it falls from far above.

Happy New Year!

Here's a New Years present for you! A cover of Death Cab For Cutie's "The New Year." Of course I don't claim to be better (who's better than Ben Gibbard?). But, I have added my own twist to it. Make sure you read the last blog entry so you know the context of the song.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


The New Year (In The Distance)
So this is the new year.
And I don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal,
Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions (it's in the distance).

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogs bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

There'd be no distance that could hold us back...

So this is the new year
And I may not feel any different
But if I let God in
Things will change

It's in the distance....
He's in the distance....
Nothing's gonna hold us back....
He's in the distance....

So this is the new year
And I may not feel any different
But He's in the distance.....

In 2007 I...

So it's New Year's Eve and I've made a list of things I did in 2007.

In 2007 I:
Played drums in a praise band leading hundreds of kids in worship to Adonai - Starred as Jesus in Godspell (the first play I ever tried out for) - Learned how to play the ukulele for it - Was cast in a one act called "No Fading Star" as a minor role - Learned about the Jewish roots of Christianity - Played percussion in the Kempner High School Symphonic Band - Saw "To Kill A Mockingbird" at the Alley Theatre with my mom -Was cast in another one act, "Sorry, Wrong Number," as a minor role - Got a job at Family Christian Stores - Became a "passing ship in the night" with my mom - Was initiated as a thespian into Thespian Troupe 4385 - Recorded and released a full length album as Cadenza - "This Is For You LP" - Played my last concert in the regular Kempner High School band program - Took an English AP test - Finished my Junior year of high school - Took the SAT Reasoning Test - Went to Kadesh session I - Took care of my little brother, Luke for 3 days - Watched Luke accept Christ and be baptized - Turned 17 - Went on a Mission Trip to Mexico - Was informally initiated in Troupe 4385 - Had some dentist appointments - Went camping with my dad - Recorded an EP with the praise band - Was accepted to ACU!!! - Started my Senior year of high school - Starred in a musical production of Schoolhouse Rock - Learned how to play the banjo for it - Took my senior pictures - Built a Sumerian Harp with my Dad - Played in the praise band again and even sang with some guitar - Went to the homecoming game without being in band - Skipped the homecoming dance to see David Crowder in concert and become in huge fan of Phil Wickham in one foul swoop! - Hosted the Schoolhouse Rock cast party! - Starred in one act play, "Small World" - Gave blood - Visited ACU - Went to Convention! - Led worship and spoke at church - Was cast in main stage play, "The Dining Room" - Saw my first midnight showing, R-rated movie - Learned how to Snowboard - Snowboarded! - Went to San Antonio with my mom and saw Brendan and Erin get married - Started a lot of books and haven't finished any of them - Made this list of stuff I did in 2007

Through all of this I:
Discovered my passion for theatre - Made a bajillion new good friends - Developed deeper relationships with my friends Greg and Eric - Met the girl of my dreams, fell in love, and made a new best friend - Became Luke's Godfather - Continued struggling in sin - Had a flexuous relationship with God - Met Jessica and asked her out - Am finding myself growing closer to and more comfortable with Jessica everyday - Have had an absolute Blast!

Of course this list is incomplete, but this year has been full and fun! I think this has been my greatest, funnest year yet! And I haven't even gone to college yet!

Writing this list and thinking back leads to thinking forward. As adventurous and exciting as this last year has been I can't imagine it even comparing to my next! Thinking forward leads me to thinking about the end of high school, seeing a lot of people for the last time, saying goodbye to so many things. But, at the same time I'll be saying hello to new things. I approach the end of a road and the beginning of a new one.

Solomon talks about the way that time passes, "The sun rises and the sun sets; panting, it returns to its place where it rises. Gusting to the south, turning to the north, turning, turning, goes the wind and the wind returns in its cycles. All the streams flow to the sea, yet the sea is never full. The streams are flowing to the place, and they flow there again." What a picture of human existence.

I think that around New Year's everyone starts setting resolutions, assigning themselves penance, and trying to fix all their problems. The problem is when we try to fix our own problems the picture that Solomon just described plays itself out. There is a better way.

Jesus Christ, Yeshua Messiah, Son of God, God came. His blood reconciles us to Him. This word means to restore or renew. To change. We don't have to fix ourselves. God has already done it. Paul says to let God transform you by changing the way you think, by renewing your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, perfect will of God. I'm still trying to figure out how this works and how to explain it, but somehow, when I live by the Spirit of God, when I let God breathe through me, I no longer want to sin. I want to please Him. I want to live in a good, pleasing way that is inside of the perfect will of God.

I encourage you guys to step out and try this with me this year. Let's live in the breathe of Adonai. Let's walk down this road, not knowing what comes next, trusting in Him. As I approach the end of a road and the beginning of a new one I trust that God will guide me. I'm not going to assign myself penance, I'm not going to try and fix my problems, but rather let God transform the way I think and renew me. I may not feel any different right now, but if I let God in things will change.

---
Ecclesiastes 1:5-7 CSB
Romans 12:2 NLT, CSB

New Recordings

I managed to have some spare time Sunday afternoon and made a couple of scratch recordings. One of them is the song whose lyrics I posted a few days ago. The other is a song I wrote over the summer and just got around to recording. Anyway, I hope you like them.

Innocent Romance

Hypocrite

Innocent Romance

At the beginning of a whole new story
I just finished my last one
At the start of a whole new chapter
I don't know who I'll become.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a chance
At some simple innocent romance
As sure as the sun rises over the horizon
I'm stuck inside where I can't see
And I wonder if it's meant to be.

I write this song today
'Cause I don't know what will come my way
I sing this song now
'Cause I don't know how
This is all gonna finish

I don't know how this will end
But I know you're at least my friend.

The cloud sits on the ground this morning
As a sign that You are here from up above
If I don't know where I am going
At least I know I have Your love

I write this song today
'Cause I don't know what will come my way
I sing this song now
'Cause I don't know how
This is all gonna finish.

I don't know what to do
But I will rely on You
To get me through.

Peace in a World That Never Stops

The past two weeks have been a wild whirlwind of work and wrestling. The retreat was last weekend, so that was a bit of a break. But everything around it has been mass chaos.

The second hand is always turning
And my heart is always beating,
The work keeps coming
And I am hardly breathing.

This past week, especially, has been a doozy. I've had, it seems, endless homework. It's been crunch time for the musical because our performance is later this next week. I've had to work almost every night this week. This puts me leaving home a little after 7 in the morning, staying after school for musical practice until 5, rushing home to eat and change clothes, then running off to work from 6-9:30 and getting back home around 10 with homework and a head waiting for a pillow with eyes ready to shut.

Inside of this mess I've hardly had a chance to breathe. I think it's unrealistic that anyone should be expected to do this much. School, work, extra-curricular activities, have active relationships with friends, family, and God. I feel so disconnected from my family, friends, and from God. I'm so thirsty. So often I simply want to run away and find escape, but all I can do is turn to God.

Today has been a glorious sabbath for me. It has been a day of rest. A day to focus on God. A day to not worry about other things. Inside of this noise that has been my past two weeks, today God says:

Be silent before Me!
And let people renew their strength.
---
Your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.
---
The poor and the needy seek water,
but there is none;
their tongues are parched with thirst.
I, the LORD, will answer them;
I, the God of Israel, do not forsake them.
---
For just as rain and snow fall from heaven,
and do not return there
without saturating the earth,
and making it germinate and sprout,
and providing seed to sow
and food to eat,
so My word that comes from My mouth
will not return to Me empty,
but it will accomplish what I please,
and will prosper in what I sent it to do.
---
I will open rivers on the barren heights,
and springs in the middle of the plains.
I will turn the desert into a pool of water.
and dry land into springs of water.
I will plant cedars in the desert,
acacias, myrtles, and olive trees,
I will put cypress trees in the desert,
elms and box trees together
so that all may see and know,
consider and understand,
that the hand of the LORD has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it.

So, as I sit here on the edge of this weekend about to take a downward plunge into next week, I pray for strength. I pray for water. I pray for peace. I pray for God's word to rain(reign) down on me and make me clean and saturate me. I pray for His peace to be upon me this week. And I ask most of all that the Holy One of Israel be glorified in all that I do.

Isaiah 41:1, 14b, 17, 55:10-11, 41:18-20

In The Critic's Chair

The critic's chair is and has always been the safest seat in the house because the critic defines himself by what he is not. It's an entirely different way to live when you actually step out and explore, affirm, create, re-create, invent, and reinvent.

-Kyle Lake, [RE]Understanding Prayer

Rain

Jogging, Eating, Water, and Life

I took a nap yesterday.

It was amazing.

I woke up from it feeling so refreshed.

I've been so ridiculously busy since school started. I've hardly had a moment to spare. It's like one of those jogs I take in the morning. I have to keep going. Out of breath? Keep jogging. Tired? Keep jogging. Sore? Keep jogging. Oh well, I've already botched that. I've pretty much botched all those goals I wrote out in my last entry. That's alright though, no one was grading me.

It seems like when we get so busy it's easy to just live. Live a skeletal existence. Getting by on only what is necessary. I just wade through the shallow parts of life, never letting myself into the places where it becomes deeper. With this sort of existence one will never see beauty. Beauty is not a snack. Beauty is a feast. In Life of Pi, Pi hadn't realized how beautiful the ocean was because he had only ever seen it while rushing along the top on a boat. He said that it was like trying to see all the beauty of a rain forest while driving by at 60 mph in your car. Life is the same way. Beauty cannot be feasted upon quickly. Introspection is necessary. Time to slow down and bring myself deeper. But, I've gone with taking little snacks of life, with jogging through life without rest, with just the bottom of my feet touching the water.

For the past week I've felt so dry. My throat has been parched for some kind of drink. It's as if I've been operating on an empty tank. Pushing on, pushing on. I remember earlier years. Much like I wasn't able to drive, I wasn't really driving my life. My mom drove me places. She drove me to school, to piano lessons, to Boy's Choir, to church. She drove me through my homework. She drove me through life. Now I drive. I drive myself to school, home from musical rehearsal, to work, to church, to be with friend's. I drive my life too. It's so tiring. Life is a heavy thing. It's like an upside down box that I'm pushing from the inside without help. That's the mistake I've made.

Life is more than simply eating, drinking, and getting tasks done. Life should be a journey, an adventure. Adventures aren't about getting to the end. Adventures are about taking part in the beauty all around. And life should not be done alone. One will only become weary. Life is a communal thing. We are given each other so that we may do life together and bring one another love and joy.

All of this beauty that I have spoken of is inside of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?1 So, this week, I reach up to God and ask for His living water.2 As I wade deeper into the waters of life, I hope that I can draw nearer to God. I will spend this week searching for God and depending on God. I will wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.3

1. Ecclesiastes 2:25
2. John 2:10
3. Lamentations 3:25-26

Shalom of Adonai

The stars weren't very loud last night, but the wind sang through the trees. The leaves were singing choruses; all saying the same line: "Ssshhhhh..." Like a graceful animal in deep slumber, nature took slow, deep breaths.

I was drawn in. All of creation was lulling me into the shalom of Adonai. There was nothing to worry about. My heart beat and my breath in sync with the rhythm of nature.

A soft buzz in my hand, I answered my phone to hear her sweet voice greet me. I could do nothing but smile and tell her of the clouds floating by above the canopy of singing leaves. I wished so much for her to be there with me. We wouldn't have to talk. We could just listen to the music. We wouldn't interrupt, but sing along; gracing one another with our presence. What would there be to worry about? We would just simply be. Our souls sitting there so intimate, so close. We would be sharing in the shalom of El Shaddai Adonai. But as it is this has not yet come to pass.

All I can do
Is hope and pray
That Adonai would send us
Each other's way.

But for now I sit
And breathe with the wind.
I sing with the trees
And take it all in.

My life is at peace
As I breathe Your shalom.
I know that I'm here
And that I'm heading home.

The Horizon or (Thoughts From A Plane Ride)

People are so small. It seems like I write about this every few weeks, but it's so true and it's hard to really let it sink in. I mean, even mountains aren't really very big comparatively. They're simply freckles on the face of the earth.

People are so organized and tidy. We have everything laid out into blocks and roads and intersections. I sit here caught up somewhere between heaven and earth wondering whether any of that organization really matters. I'm floating on the clouds and everything around is so blue! And there's a little line where I suppose the heavens collide with the earth. We'll call that the horizon. But even then, I can barely see the separation. Where does the sky stop and the earth start? I can't even tell.

I wonder, though, if we aren't a lot like this: caught up somewhere between the physical and the spiritual. Sometimes I can't really tell where one stops and the other starts. Maybe they're woven so closely together that they're one.

I just don't know. I guess I'll call it the horizon.

Something About Scripture

I don't understand it. But something about scripture resonates with the soul. It's like warmth. It's like clear, running water. It's like hot tea late at night. It's like hugs. It's like love. It's like pillows. It's like a blanket. It's like holding hands. It's like soft music. It's like resonating strings. It's like a pure voice singing through the air. It's like a dove. It's like a deep conversation late at night. It's like a cup of coffee with a friend. It's You.

In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.